I want to be a writer. It has always been a dream of mine since I was a little girl. My mother fostered the idea by making me write Voice of Democracy essays when I was 9 or 10. It was a VFW exercise for seniors in high school. I'm at a crossroads in my life and I have to decide whether my dreams of being an artist and a writer get put on the back burner while I go get a "real" job that will allow me to escape my current situation. Or my second option is to just take a little break from my oh so crazy life and I figure out what kind of job I can get that will still allow me to be who I really am and take care of myself for a change. Doing my second option also allows me to follow my dream and write my blog , embroider my art and unclutter my room and my head in the bargain. At the moment I've chosen option 2.
They say write what you know. I know I am still a little bit of light in a world filled with darkness. I know I accept every person I meet in the same way and that is a blessing for me because when you just talk to people you find out the most interesting things about life that make you feel a little less alone. I know I smile a lot, genuinely smile. I love to laugh at everything including myself. I hope I can say I leave everybody I come into contact with feeling a little better then they did before I spoke to them, well almost everybody anyway. I write a lot of personal stuff on my blog which makes some people wonder what planet I am from and why I did not learn the cardinal rule of keeping your secrets secret. I look at it two ways, the first is that if God wanted me to keep my secrets secret he wouldn't have given me so many secrets to hide. The second is if one person out there anywhere is feeling bad about themselves and thinking that maybe life isn't worth living they can find someone out there who's life sucks more then theirs does. I'm even making people happy with my sob stories.
Outdoors I am this wonderful little light thing that everybody knows. The cashiers who know my son liked Encore lasagna, the girls in the pizzeria treat me like Norm from Cheers, it's kinda cool I have admit. And no I don't eat pizza every day just once a week on Friday like I have since I'm like 0 years old(perhaps 1or2). It's lovely to be one of those people that just talks, really talks to anybody who will listen. I found out the cashier has a son who works in the supermarket too and the beautiful girl in the pizzeria is an artist who paints the most amazing paintings of the characters in Batman. I mean they are freaking amazing and she is just a lovely girl. I secretly hope my son will meet her someday.
I guess that's what it means to be a genuinely nice person. That is until I open the door of my home where darkness descends. I've always lived in homes where darkness descends, I grew up that way and nothing really changed it until this past December. I think becoming an artist allowed me to open up my mind and my heart to a different way of living. That is where I am today. Digging out. Opening the cupboards breaking out the disinfectant and just cleaning up my act, trying to bring light here before I leave. Unless of course I am prematurely pushed into Option #1. So there you have it I am a serial clutterer and I spend too much time on the computer not writing my blog or embroidering both of which are a hell of a lot more fun then uncluttering. Peace be with you and start sharing some of your secrets, you may just find out as I did that people are very accepting and that even if you think you are not worthy of love and friendship they think you are. Thanks to all my friends and family who have been quite supportive of this time of my life. I'm ok. Just hoping and dreaming until I figure out a more suitable game plan. Blessings to all.
PS if you want to know the dirt go back a couple of months it's all there right out in the open.
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